It was one of those
things that I never thought would or could happen to me. Sure, I know for a
fact that it’s something that has impacted many other women after giving birth.
Celebrities have spoken on it and shared their experiences, I’ve read numerous
articles about other moms disclosing their journeys while enduring it, but even
during my nine months of pregnancy, I still didn’t understand the effects of
postpartum depression. In fact, after giving birth, I still didn’t get what it
felt like or recognize it when it first unceremoniously presented itself to me.
It wasn’t until my baby was about two-months-old, when I started to feel far
away from myself--like a stranger within my own body whom I could not stand. Suddenly, almost overnight, I felt sad, alone,
ugly, and as if my life as I knew it was gone forever, never to return (which
has some truth). Negative voices
whispered incessantly in my ear and told me that I couldn’t survive as a Mommy, that my dreams would never come true, and that I had made a mistake to become a Mother
at only thirty-one, which is young to me because I had just gotten to the point
that I was having fun on a regular basis. I tried my best to process these
feelings and shun them away. I even spoke aloud to them and burned sage when my
baby wasn’t in my presence. But like a toxic tattoo, the sullen sting of
postpartum depression stuck to me. No matter how hard I tried to rub it away,
it stayed there—deceptive, cruel, and undefeated.
After about a month of
suffering, I knew that I needed to work extra hard to heal myself from it
before it absolutely crushed me, so I set out to do my part to get myself back
to the me I recognized and enjoyed. After months of doing the necessary work, I
finally found myself closer to who I used to be, and boy, am I grateful! Here are seven ways I dug deep within myself
to combat my postpartum depression and heal.
1. Writing and Journaling—Of course, writing
is the number way I face any challenge in life, no matter how big or small.
While grappling with the newness of motherhood and the overwhelming feelings
that came with it, I wrote. Fervently and passionately,
as if my life depended on it. I wrote to and through the waves of depression
until I felt better. I bought an abundance of new journals—I had one for
affirmations, a prayer journal, one for letters to myself, and many more.
Whenever I felt the unpleasant presence of postpartum settling in or the
discouraging thoughts refused to silence themselves, I wrote until I felt lighter, refreshed,
and strong enough to face the day head-on.
In
my affirmations journal, I reminded myself that I am strong enough to get
through what was happening, that I am a great mother and will continue to be,
that I will still accomplish all my dreams, even as a mommy. I reminded myself
of who I am and how I have succeeded in life before amongst vast areas of pain,
discomfort, and unyielding depression. In my prayer journals, I asked God to
help me; to grant me the strength required to survive the turbulence of
emotions I was battling. I asked Him to remove postpartum depression and all
its trauma from my soul and make me stronger in the process. And just like the
awesome God He is, He did just that, though it took some time. In my journal
for personal letters, I wrote myself uplifting notes to myself to remind me
that I am resilient, beautiful, and triumphant, even during such a challenging
time in my life. I wrote my way through the intensity of everything I was
feeling and eventually, it helped lighten the load and gave me the perspective
and healing I needed to close the somber chapter of postpartum.
2. Therapy—So, I had a therapist prior to giving
birth, but I had only seen her a few times and at first, I didn’t feel much of
a connection, though she is exactly who I was looking for—a black woman who is much
older than I am and has lived through many relatable experiences. But I had passive interest in going to see her
regularly, though I knew I needed her badly; however, once I put my pride to the side and opened up to my
therapist about how I was feeling due to postpartum emotions and how they had a
terrible stronghold on me, she became an invaluable component to my healing. I
won’t dig too deep and divulge exactly what we discussed, but I will say that she
helped me process my thoughts, find more perspective, and taught me new techniques
to practice when I felt overwhelmed, most of which I still practice when I feel
down. My therapist helped me talk through the chaos of my feelings and find
ways to cope with the negative whispers in my head. After every session, I felt and still feel lighter
and much better than I was prior to entering her door.
3. Indulging in Self-Care—Self-care comes in
MANY forms for me and is extremely versatile but during the rocky road of
postpartum, I discovered EXACTLY what felt good to me, lifted my spirits, and distracted me from those formidable depressing
thoughts that postpartum depression imposed, and I spent more time doing more
of that and as often as I could. For me, during that time and still, self-care
mainly came in the form of writing and journaling while Amani was asleep;
getting my nails done; having a pedicure; buying outfits for my baby; walking
around Marshall’s, TJ Maxx, or Target
and smelling candles and buying new journals; going to Barnes & Noble and
inhaling the scent of newly-printed books; discovering new authors and
checking-out their latest work; getting my hair done; lighting sage and pretty-scented
candles; going out for a glass of wine or a drink SOLO; or sometimes, just
being still is one of the best forms of
self-care I can have. Doing more of what feels good to my soul and helps me
feel better about myself, ultimately, helped me feel better about the newness
of Mommyhood and silence the negative voices. <3
4. Listening to Podcasts—This is actually
another form of self-care for me but also something that I am spending a lot
more time doing lately and found extremely helpful during the postpartum
depression days. I started listening to podcasts a little over a year ago,
prior to pregnancy. I used to only listen to a few favorites during my commutes
to and from work. I found a few captivating ones that helped distract me from those crippling toxic emotions of postpartum and became instrumental to my healing. Some of them include:
Alex Elle’s “Hey, girl”; Therapy for Black Girls; Experiencing
Motherhood—Single & Black; Oprah’s Super Soul Conversations; Black Girl
Podcast; Chrystal Evans Hurst; Joel Osteen and when in need of a good laugh
& gossip, I listened to The Breakfast Club; The Read; or Angela Yee’s Lip
Service. Lately, I find myself listening
to my podcasts more than I watch TV shows or Netflix, but that’s not a bad
thing because my favorite podcast shows never disappoint me and serve as perfect reprieve! You may ask how I
find time to listen. Usually, while my baby is napping, while I’m cooking, in
the shower, shopping, or traveling.
5 5. Talking about it—This has probably been
the hardest one for me, being most of my close friends do not have children and
those who do, did not experience postpartum depression and their birth
experiences were much different from mine. Before going to therapy regularly,
I would call or text my friends and lament, but after a while, I felt like I
was weighing them down and realized they simply couldn’t relate to my plight,
so I joined a plethora of mom groups via Facebook and other Social Media
platforms. One I actually found by googling "how to get over postpartum depression". These groups are comprised of women with different backgrounds
but very relatable stories; women who are also battling postpartum depression
and are also striving to adjust to the new world of motherhood. These groups have
served as a safe space for me to share my pain, emotional challenges, fears, etc…and also a platform to get insight from other mommy’s
on how they healed from postpartum depression. Even now, when I feel down or discouraged
for a minute or two, I reach out to my Mommy Community and share my thoughts and
ask for advice, positive vibes, or prayers. I am grateful for my Mommy groups,
for they are beautiful digital spaces of continuous healing for me and millions of
other women around the world who need a little encouragement every now and then.
6. Praying & Going to Church—As I
mentioned earlier, I have a prayer journal that I write my notes and requests
to God in. Sometimes I get so overwhelmed that I can’t find the words to verbally
ask God what I need from Him, so that is when my prayer journal comes into
place. Other times, I am able to pray by
mouth, and I converse with God—let Him know that I am grateful that He has given
me the strength to face and conquer the turmoil of postpartum depression in
advance, I ask Him to grant me the peace that only He can sustain and the
wisdom to find new solutions to my problems. As they say, God doesn’t always
come when you want Him, but He’s always on time. In my case, I may not feel
better immediately after praying, but in due time, I start to feel some reprieve and
closer to my healing.
Church has also been a place of encouragement and healing for me. I don't go every Sunday but as often as I can. I
go because I enjoy my church, but also because I know that this is the time in
my life when I need to get closer to Him than EVER before. Though I no longer fall in a deep depression, I never know when PPD will creep back up on me, and I need to be emotionally and spiritually equipped to handle it. When I don’t
make it to my church, I stream the service online and sometimes, I put in a prayer
request or I pray with a community of ladies I met through a group. Every time I do go or stream, I
feel a thousand times better, my soul feels refreshed, and my faith tank is
filled-up. A good Word from God or a great church service gives me the
wherewithal and power I need to surmount any challenge I face during the week,
including postpartum depression and all its weariness.
7. Spending time with my Baby—Last but
certainly not least, a little time with my Baby Girl is the biggest form of
solace that I have EVER. When I’m sad or not at my very best, I do something to
make her laugh and her smile reminds me how miraculous life is; how miraculous
God is for allowing me to bring forth such a beautiful, precious life and
allowing me to be her Mommy and ultimately have the incredible responsibility of raising a strong, intelligent
young queen. Playing to her, reading to her, bathing and combing her hair,
dressing her up and taking selfies with her, all lift my spirits and remind me
that my time with her is too precious to lose moments of it to the unpleasantries
of postpartum depression and anxiety.
Every now and then, I find myself going to Macy’s, Carter’s,
or Ross and buying cute outfits, toys, and books for her, and I feel 1,000 times
happier than I did prior. Being able to
buy things for my baby makes me feel whole; spending time with her and knowing
I’m the reason she smiles evokes the best form of therapy, self-care, and
healing I could ever ask for. I’m so grateful for this Mommy journey, even the
beautiful mess of postpartum depression, for ultimately, it has made me stronger, wiser, and even more resilient, which ultimately makes me the great example of strength I endeavor to be for Amani.
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