"I’m writing my visions and making them plain, setting my expectations high, and holding myself accountable when I fall short."
I’ve been juggling numerous tasks over the past few weeks:
unpacking, getting settled in our new place, being a mommy (of course), finishing
my latest book, and gearing up for my upcoming freelance and grant gigs, and trying to squeeze some sleep in as well! Plus, I am steadily doing
my inner work—healing from past trauma, reflecting, journaling, etc…In short,
I’ve been BUSY and TIRED. So busy and so tired, I found myself struggling with finishing simple tasks—laundry, pumping, grocery shopping, and cooking.
I’m behind on all my to-do lists, and I’m stressed out, to say the least! I've been feeling like I'm running a race with no finish line, with a thick blind over my eyes. On Sunday evening, I started to feel like a failure and just wanted to grab a bottle
of my favorite wine, put my baby to sleep, and cry a river over my temporary feeling of incompetence.
But the next morning, I woke up and told myself, “Get it together, Sis! You’ve
got too many things to do and a baby who needs you! AND you are FAR from incompetent!” I had to remind myself of who I am and remember that I can’t accomplish
anything if I’m dwelling in self-pity and holding onto a defeatist mentality. So, I decided not to entertain
sullen thoughts and after a while, I started to realize that I felt out of sorts because I was doing my tasks aimlessly, without taking
the necessary time to prioritize and be intentional about WHAT I wanted the end
result of the work I produced to look like. I was literally, well figuratively, running a race blindly. For instance, I’m currently working
on another book, which is a compilation of some of my favorite short stories that I’ve written over the past few years;
I’ve been struggling with accepting the novel as complete, and I constantly re-read and over analyze every story a 1,000 times a day. I’ve blamed my inability to
publish on my anxiety and paralyzing fear of rejection, but I realized I never took time to write down a
clear vision or outline for this book—how I wanted the flow to go, and what I
wanted the message to my readers to be, etc... I wasn’t feeling confident in hitting "upload" on my book or marking it as finished because my subconscious was waving
her pretty brown hands and saying, “Hey girl, you are not making it clear what
your intentions are behind this work, so the Universe is confused right now,
and girl, so am I!” And, of course, I was trying my hardest to ignore her, to
no avail (she always wins. She's annoying that way! ) So, I had to forfeit, take a deep breath, find my notebook and pen, and set my purpose for my work! I stopped and asked myself, "What is the point of my writing this book"—just because??
Absolutely NOT! A wise woman named Solange said in her latest
album, “Do NOTHING WITHOUT INTENTION”. I took her advice and wrote my
outline for my book—what I wanted the end result to be; how I wanted my audience
to feel after reading it; in what ways I will promote it; who my target audience
is exactly. I felt much reprieve after doing so and ready to assure that my novel
matched the intentions I had set. And, I have
decided that from here on out, I’m vowing to be as CLEAR and DIRECT about my endeavors,
goals, and tasks as I am about anything else. I believe that once we set clear expectations,
map out our plans, and are INTENTIONAL, it clears the path for God, The
Universe, and our angels to begin to do their divine work to bring our desires to
full fruition. Today and always, I’m choosing to be intentional in all I do,
including the freelance and grant work I choose to accept. I am going to be intentional
in motherhood; in my relationships; my friendships; healing; my teaching; my writing; in removing toxicity of all forms from my life; in EVERYTHING. I’m writing my visions and making them plain, setting my
expectations high, and holding myself accountable when I fall short. The end of
the year is only six months away, and I don’t have time to do my work--inner, outer, all work, erratically
or in a nebulous fashion, so I am making a conscious decision to soar and to do so intentionally!! Let's GOOO!!!
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