"Oftentimes, the things we fear will happen don't happen, and even if they do, I trust and know that God has given me the tools needed to surmount whatever difficulty arises, and He is actively protecting and guiding me. "
October is upon us, and I am elated! It is one of my favorite months— my daughter's birthday comes, it’s two months closer to the Holiday season and my birthday, the weather starts to feel more fall-like, homecoming (though I’ll only be there in spirit), pumpkin spice is the theme for everything (especially coffee), nature paints itself in glorious yellows, browns, and purples, and October is usually a period of reflection for me.
Around this time, I like to analyze my goals for the year and see what I accomplished and what still can and needs to be checked off my list. It’s just one of those chill, peaceful time periods that bring about an abundance of peace and happiness in my life.
Well, I am doing some EXTRA DEEP reflection during this
beginning of October 2021 because life has been...umm…interesting, lol. Things
have been unfolding in strange ways that I could have never imagined, and it
feels like I have run into roadblock after roadblock lately. Over
the past few months, I’ve taken a series of Ls—from big to menial ones—but I
felt them all, and each one sullied my soul and crushed my spirit more than the
previous.
What's going on, you wonder? I won’t divulge too much, but I will say that
something that I really, really want to happen seemed to be impossible for
months. If you know me, you know I don’t like to give up—when the odds seem to
be against me, it fuels my drive even more because…well…I love a good
challenge. But over the
past few months, that “not taking no for an answer” mentality seemed to be
quite literally ineffective. In fact, I started to wonder if the Universe was
laughing at me for spinning in circles, trying to defy the odds that refused to
be defied. The harder I persisted, the more God and the Universe pushed back
and gave me a hard “no.” I didn’t know what to do, so I became desperate, frustrated,
got discouraged, got mad, threw myself into work to distract myself from the pain
of what felt and still feels like repeated failure. But today, after doing some
introspection, I have decided that I won’t start my month off with a defeatist
mentality. I am not defeated, and I will not allow myself to operate under the false notion that I am. Yes, I am still discouraged. Yes, I am still uncertain. Absolutely
right, I am terrified. You got it—I feel like I’m on the precipice of having a
breakdown. No, I am not sure when I will
get the thing that I want will come to pass, but in the meantime, I am going to
be intentional about shedding my spirit and mentality of a few things that need
to be removed, so I can clear the path and make way for the things I desire.
Here are four things I am consciously eliminating:
1. Negative Thinking: There was a meme going around
about a year or so ago that said something like: “Whenever I have a negative
thought, I stop it.” Okay, I am not sure EXACTLY what it said, but I think you
get the gist. I am going to continuously work on shutting down negative
thoughts as soon as they enter my brain. I am training my mind to choose optimism and to actively be positive. I can’t afford to get stuck in negativity of any sort, and I do believe that a positive life begins with a positive mindset. When I feel a negative thought sneaking in--telling
me what I can’t do, how bad things are, how stuck I am--I will continue to turn
them around to positive ones and remind myself of God’s promises over my life
and how far He’s already brought me.
2. Negative People (this is not a personal dig at anyone; I am reflecting): I think I’ve done a pretty good job of eliminating negative people, sources, situations, etc. from my life; however, I endeavor to keep making a conscious effort to avoid folks and situations that make my soul cringe a little (or a lot). Luckily, God has blessed me with a deep sense of discernment, though I often try to ignore it and see the good in others, etc. But no, when God is showing me what something is and who someone is, I won't paint a false narrative of rainbows and lilies in my head and allow negativity to have access to my spirit. I want people, friends, and family around me who make me feel loved, uplifted, blissful, and at peace. People who have my best interest at heart and whose intentions are PURE—no hate, shady comments, envy, or hidden agenda. I want to sustain relationships and connect with people who bring out the best in me and vice versa. If I want good things to come my way, I need good people in my circle and rooting for me. 💛
3. Fear: Whew, that terrible f-word. Facing my fears is always a challenge for an anxious person like me, though I try to make it look easy (lol)! But it’s the furthest thing from. When I know I must do or say something I’m lowkey afraid to do or say, my mind will find and hold onto the worst possible and most dramatic possibilities. Gotta talk in front of some colleagues during a meeting—okay, great! You’re going to sound terribly inarticulate, and they all are going to think you’re an idiot. Have an evaluation coming up—good luck with that! It’s going to go terribly, and you’ll embarrass yourself, sis. Having an uncomfortable conversation with someone—girl, you already know it’s going to end in an argument. That’s my brain for you, and I will no longer tolerate it. However, I realize that my anxiety and fear have a lot to do with #1 on my list, eliminating negative thoughts. As I work diligently to transform negative thinking, I will continue to face my fears head-on, knowing that I have the power within me to conquer every single one of them. Oftentimes, the things we fear will happen don't happen, and even if they do, I trust and know that God has given me the tools needed to surmount whatever difficulty arises, and He is actively protecting and guiding me. I serve a God who does not want me operating in fear but in TRUST and FAITH, and I choose to honor that.
4. 4. Overworking/not resting enough: In this day and time, it is challenging not to be subjected to the “hustle mentality.” Society places a huge emphasis on working hard, getting results, and going after “the dream.” Society places a huge emphasis on working hard, getting results, and going after “the dream.” But I’ve quickly learned that this mindset can be a recipe for burnout and can be immensely counterproductive. Yes, I believe in hard work, being ambitious, and going after what I want--but not at the expense of my need for adequate rest and sleep. If I am tired, foggy-brained, and aching (I am getting old, okay), I cannot be the best version of myself and show up ready to tackle my goals like a boss! I am a mommy and sleep can be limited, but I still have to find time in my day to make my rest a priority and recharge. As I go hard and all in for the things I desire, I will continue to remind myself that being in good health and living a long life are also huge, important goals I have, and in order to live a healthy life, I have to make sure that I am intentional about getting sufficient rest. I will take breaks when I need to, sleep in when I can, and listen to my body when it's in shut down mode and do so without guilt or shame. Health is wealth, and sleep is peace. Girl, get your rest. 😊
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